The Zim Family Cocker Spaniel Forum

I will be the first to admit I feel so stupid but I have to tell you I don't know what to do with myself. Miss Maxine has been gone for almost 8 months. I have done the tributes, I have donated to rescues and SPCAs in her name. I have adopted another special needs dog. I just can't get past having lost her. I am always so close to tears when I see my four sleeping and she isn't one of them. When "her" windchime rings, I cry. I can't talk about her without getting choked up. Even coming to the forum seems to make it worse and so some days I can't even log on here. Now that it's been nice and we've been on the deck I can "see" her in her special place on the deck and I can't stay out there. I thought Cori was my heart dog and I'd never get over losing him but I have to admit the pain of that doesn't even touch the pain of this. From the day I saw Maxine on the forum in the rescue section I KNEW she had to be mine. The pull was so strong it was unbelievable. I have even seen a grief counselor and it doesn't seem to help.

Has anyone ever had anything like this? What did you do to help get past the loss? I really am heartbroken.

Oh Vickie, I don't have a solution but my heart is truly with you, even
the mention or thought of Maxine (along with Issabel) makes me cry &
I didn't even know them or you & Jean. I somehow just felt such a strong
connection to all of you that continues. I have known that grief before, it
had to do with a family member who took two lives in a desparate act.
It's been about 45 years now, I am better but can sometimes still cry.
Time is the only remedy I know of to ease the pain. Not much help for now
but it does lessen over time. God Bless you! Love Jan

Vickie I am so sorry your going through this grieving process and is still like the first day. You are the one that is strong for all of us. I have nothing to say that you have not heard before. You had Maxine for a short period but she became your heart dog. You served her well, took care of her and maybe that was the place she needed to go to then passed in happiness and peace. Yes you brought happiness to her life. You gave her what she deserved and let her go. You are helping other dogs like her and who knows maybe this is you call to rescue blind dogs?????? Anyway I know first hand the pain the departure of a love dog does to our souls and I really dont know what will be of myself when I have to say goodby to Holly. Take care and see your time with Maxine as part of your mission here on Earth.

Vickie, when I lost Spirit I was devastated and I asked God to help me think of him with joy and not feel pain. One day I realized that my request had been granted.

I can relate! Your in my prayers as is Sweet Maxine!

Oh, Vickie, I am so sorry for you to be in such pain and grief. Everyone deals with grief in their own way and their own time. You will always love and miss her. Like Janet said, I still miss Maxine and your stories and Isabel, too without having met any of you. That is what makes this forum a wonderful place. We all have loved and lost that special dog (in our cases, probably a cocker)and know that void in our hearts and souls and it connects us in a way that is so comforting and supportive. Dawn "hit the nail on the head" when she said, "Maxine would not want you feeling this way." Vickie, I miss your posts and presence (sp.?) on the forum. Know that we are all here for you. Take care.

Years ago, I worked in a bank. Most of the customers were retired and elderly. We got to know them well, and, too frequently, we had to help them cope with the loss of a spouse or loved one. At first, I didn't know quite how to handle it- I certainly didn't want to say or do anything to upset them. But what I found was that most people actually WANTED to talk about their spouse, to reminisce, to tell stories. It was as though they were able to hang on to a piece of their loved one through these stories. I'm telling you this because I know you have LOTS of Miss Maxine stories- you've shared so many of her antics with us. Perhaps it's time to organize them and write them down. You can write a book, and donate the proceeds to animal rescue; maybe even help some dogs to see again. What a legacy that would be

Vickie, I'm so sorry that you are hurting, but I would say that it is normal. It took me a very long time to stop breaking down from my loss. Even after 6 years, I can feel my girl tugging at my heart and I will just loose it, working in the yard, driving, at work, any time, any place. Time will help a bit, but Maxine made such an impression on your heart that it will be hard to heal.
I just have to keep reminding myself that I will get to see her again and hold her in my arms again. I ask God each night to give my girl a kiss from her mama.
You are in my prayers.

Hi Vicki,
I don't know you, but I do know you're a fabulous writer - you made me feel as if I knew Miss Maxine! You gave her a wonderful home and best of all (for her adoring fans out here) you gave her a voice! She was special to me and I only know her through the internet.
I never know what to say to people when they have a loved one pass away, but I know how very sad you must be. When my first ever pet, my dog Lucky, died, I was 11 and had never known a single day without him in my life. We were more than buddies, I loved him so very much (he was a beagle, not a cocker). After he died, I cried for months. I just didn't feel the same - I felt like a certain sadness had come over my life and I wouldn't ever feel fully happy again. A few years later we adopted kittens, but that didn't replace how much I missed my dog. What I did notice was that instead of thinking of Lucky and crying or feeling sad or missing him, I would think of Lucky and feel full of love. I would feel comforted. In fact, now I can think of Lucky and be so glad that I was raised with the opportunity to know kindness and gentleness of an animal in my life. I can think about how I was glad to be part of what was probably a fun and happy lifetime for him.

I think losing an animal is extremely hard. They are our constant companions, they are usually always with us if we let them be. It IS sad! It is OK to be sad for as long as you feel sad! Over time, I think the sadness becomes replaced with memories of how much love was in your life from that animal. Don't put pressure on yourself to not feel sad. Someday, you won't feel sad.

Miss Maxine's memory is honored whether you are feeling sad or thinking back on what a blessing she was and feeling happy. Best of all, you gave Miss Maxine's life dignity and happiness while she was here on Earth, even knowing that she was older and would break your heart sooner than a puppy would do. I think that is very brave of you and of course you would feel sad!

Me and my two cockers send you much cocker love and hugs. Loving someone always is always risky, but you think back to those wiggle butts and naughty adventures that made you laugh and loving a cocker (or any pet) is well worth it.

I have definitely been through it. I had to put all pictures out of sight, special toys, avoid situations that had a strong reminder of them. I've had to do this for quite a long period of time. It was over 2 yrs before I could look at or do somethings without crying...even then I would cry when alone. It hurts, but I know Miss Maxine would not want you to hurt. She would want you to remember her with a smile on your face.

It's nearly 2 years since I lost Henry and I'm in tears by the time I read all the other posts and hit 'reply' to add my story! I am not yet convinced that time makes it better. I can talk about the silly things he did, of which there are so many I could be here all day! But as soon as I think about the fact that I don't have him any more, and that I'll never have a Henry cuddle again, the tears start. I don't think you ever really get over it. But knowing that other people are going through the same thing may help. *hugs*

Hi, Vickie....You know what I'm feeling, too. I think one of the things that made it so hard for us to lose Maxine and Isabel was that we had such a short time with them. Every day I feel another loss because I think of something that Isabel and I could have done together, but we didn't have time. It IS a little like losing her all over again.
Dawn is right, though - of course, Maxine and Issa would have wanted us to be happy. I think they're trying their best to help us - they brought us new girls to help and love. It takes up some of the energy for me - but it isn't the same. I don't really want it to be.
Love to you. Maxine and Issa were both irreplaceable.

Just reading your post made me cry and think of Winnie again. We lost Winnie three years ago April 16. We still grieve but I can finally talk about her (sometimes) without crying. I can NOT write about her without crying though.

My is with you.

When you see her in her place outside - is she happy? There lies your answer.

Our Wiley has been gone 10 years and he died on my daughter's 18th birthday. It was her heart dog and her companion when we moved across country and her big brother was gone in the Navy. She wore his dog name tag on a chain around her neck so he would be close to her heart. Maybe something like this would make you feel better to always be close to her. I am sure she is looking down and smiling and telling all her doggie friends how much she loves you.

Vickie,

My heart goes out to you... I know how much you are hurting. I know you want to stop hurting so much. Your grief is normal. There is no timetable for mourning. Maxine made a big impact in your life. Whenever I've gone through times of intense grief, I've found my best comfort has been my faith. This may seem like weird advice to give to someone who is hurting, but it works for me.... I find that praising God, singing a praise song over and over, brings me comfort through the tears. "My God is an Awesome God" got me through my darkest time. I pray that you are able to find your way to God's peace and comfort.

Others have suggested using your talent for writing and record Maxine's adventures ... I love that idea!!!! ... when you are ready.

My dear Friend,
I read this yesterday and my heart ached for you. I wanted to say something so special to make it go away and then realized that isan't going to happen. You loved BIG !!!! And when you love that big it impacts big. And the beauty is you were loved BIGGER back. Miss Macine left a beautiful paw print on your life and your heart, painful now but it will change to warm loving memories and a wonderful feeling of a love that will never die and will continue to bless you daily.
Maxine and Issa were teachers. they taught us all about the power of love. They taught about the"Big One" and answered prayer. they taught how to enjoy the simple things and how to laugh at the crazy things that go on in a day. when they left us , they took a string of hearts with them. Little pieces of everyones hearts they blessed and touched. they wear them proudly too as they were loved much by many.
So. it will take you time as you along with all of us want that back..but it hasn't gone..there is that wonderful paw print left....and where they took a piece of my heart ...it is filled with a special love ....

Love you
Marsha

Vickie,
There have been many good suggestions, but what worked with me when my 2 heart dogs passed, ( Champion the worlds craziest buff) and ( Sugar, the little elderly bocker,) was to let the grief in in increments. Let the tears flow, and the memories come...and each time the ebb was less. I talk to them all the time, and pray for them each and every night. I rejoice when I see the younger living dogs do something....and I think " Sugar would have something to say about that" Some special things take longer, and mean more. Miss Maxine was one of the special ones, and you are very special to have made her last days on earth heavenly. You will be blessed with a peace and love from Miss Maxine forever.

Vickie 8 months isn't that long. It's been over 7 years since I lost my Mardi and if you catch me at the right time, you'll still find me crying over it. I had to do what Debbie did and put all reminders out of sight. Everything. It was a long time before I could look at a picture of her. Now I'm OK on a daily, weekly even monthly basis, but if something happens to bring that panic of losing my heart dog again the tears start coming. I think with everything you have done with rescue, the tributes, the wind chime, etc. Maxine has still been a part of your daily life. Perhaps it's time to put that all aside so your heart can start healing.

On Tuesday 3/20 it was 2 years since I lost my wonderful Maliika. My heart is so very heavy when I think of her. I have just tried to put everything about her behind me. It has helped, but has not taken my pain away.

I agree....Maybe time to look in another direction for awhile. That is what I do every day.

Vickie, I know exactly how you feel. It has been almost 2 years since I lost my Mocha and I still cry and talk to her everyday. My girls Mocha and Poppy (sisters) were always a pair, so while I had Poppy it was almost as if I still had a little piece of Mocha with me too. When I lost Poppy 4 months ago, everything came crashing down and the pain has been unbearable. I know they are together again, as they should be, but this doesn't help me feel any better. I have a picture of each of them and I talk to them both everyday. Maybe not the healthiest thing to do, but for now it's all I can manage. Hugs to you!
Jenner

I'm going to ease this thought out there.....there are so many rescues that I'm sure an organization near you would welcome all the love you have to share. Prayers for healing your heart. xxooxxoo

This is a tough day for me. It's four years ago today that I brought Isabel home.