The Zim Family Cocker Spaniel Forum

A friend's 20-year old daughter commits suicide?

Please say prayers for Elizabeth's family as they mourn her loss.

Oh my gosh I wouldn't know what to say!
I am so sorry to read this.
I will send up prayers to Elizabeths' family and loved ones.
Prayers for you as well. I'm sure the words to your friend will come from the heart.
Sometimes our words aren't really necessary, just our closeness and our listening can mean so much more.
God bless Elizabeth and I hope she has found peace.
Vicki

MJ, it's not what you can say, it's letting them know they can say anything they feel to you, and you'll listen without trying to fix it for them. No words will heal that pain. Been there twice - my husband had to preach one of the funerals. After the funerals are over, the pain goes on, and so many times friends avoid the subject for fear of causing more pain, as if they won't remember what happened if you don't remind them. Let her know she can talk to you about good times and bad, and you won't be thinking it's time she moved on. I don't think a parent ever "moves on" when a child dies, no matter how or when. I'm praying for you and for this family.

MJ just let her know you are there if she needs you. Your friend Elizabeth will be in my prayers.

Marian's advise is great. Just lettting them talk....and tons of prayers....I always ask God to get Marsha out of the way and to use me for a voice....Lots of prayers for you and Eiizabeths family.

Marsha

I don't think there is anything you can say to a parent who has lost a child, Just let them know your their to listen. Elizabeth and her family will be in my prayers. I hope she is at Peace now.

Oh my God MJ! I am so so so sorry I can't even imagine that pain and I pray with all my heart that I never do.

Twenty-one years ago on December 21st, we lost our 21 year old son to suicide. Yes, it is every parent's nightmare and the sorrow, pain and questioning never go away although it does become easier to deal with as time goes on. My husband and I had two different circumstances to deal with when we returned to work. Don worked in an office with people of all ages, most of whom did not know what to say. Consequently they said nothing and pretty much avoided him so they would not "say the wrong thing." I, on the other hand worked in a school (secretarial) with people more attuned to dealing with raw emotions. I had an "easier" time adjusting to Wayne's death and dealing with my emotions. (I won't say that even after 21 years I always have my feelings and emotions under control.)

You have received some very good advice here. Just be there for her - you don't always have to say something. Many times just a hug will suffice. Several times I would be sitting at my desk crying and a teacher would come in and just give me a hug - it helped to know they cared. (Wayne had graduated from the same school so almost all the teachers knew him.) People are afraid to say the wrong thing, so they say nothing - just being there helps - she will know you care.

(((hugs)))Bonnie(((hugs)))

Oh Bonnie, I'm sorry you had to endure this also. Thank you for opening your heart and sharing your wisdom.

Early this morning when I couldn't sleep I found myself at the computer logging into Zim's and posting, for I was at a loss - I've felt losses before. There have been those who have gone so very early - my best friend's dad who suffered a heart attack when we were 14; a dear friend who fought cancer desperately and then succombed, leaving her 15 year old twins orphans as their father had passed 5 years earlier; and others that include children and adults who passed before we would consider it "time." This, however, is one of the toughest to comprehend.

Thank you for keeping Elizabeth's family in your prayers. What I didn't mention when I was speechless earlier today was Elizabeth's family celebrated her older sister's wedding just this Saturday. Family and friends were together for happiness and now grief.

I'm thankful for this forum, which is more than just an addictive habit for us cocker parents "gone wild." Thank you friends for sharing your ideas during this sad time. Especially thank you
Bonnie for being willing to share with us. We all have learned.

Bless you all!

Bonnie - Hugs for you and your family, and so sorry for your loss.

MJ - Hugs to you, and prayers as you help to comfort your friend, and family.

MJ,
I was speaking with a friend about this who has lost a child to suicide and she said one of the nicest things were when someone would call her just
to let her know that they had been thinking about her child.
Telling a funny story from the past, or a special occasion that would come to their mind. We so often just put those things on the shelf instead of
sharing them. Some people even brought her pictures that she had never even seen before. Those things really did touch her heart.

Like Bonnie had said, a lot of times people will avoid bringing up the deceased for fear of causing emotions.
Everyone likes to know that they have touched someone, in some way.
If you could share those times with Elizabeths' family down the road I'm sure they would love to hear about them.

Also, so many times people will tell the bereaved family, "Let me know if I can do anything." Most people won't ask for something to be done for them so
if you have the time to just show up to "do" something they will rarely say no.

I had a friend that passed several years ago and the dinner after the service was to be at his home. I knew what a stickler he was about his yard so my husband and I went over and cleaned the yard all up, raked leaves, hauled some things to the dump for him and placed a peace lily at each side of the front door in nice pots. I knew he would have been proud of how his home looked that day.

Keeping you and Elizabeth's family in my prayers still.
Vicki

P.S.
Bonnie,
((((hugs))))
I am saddened to read of the loss of your son. Thank you for sharing your pain with us. Please feel free to let us know more about your son if you would like.
I am a huge believer in the fact that someone is no longer physically with us, they are always within us.
Vicki

Nothing.

There is nothing you can say to lesson the pain or ease the anguish at this point. Hold a hand, cry with them, tell them you and a lot of friends are praying if you think they're likely to receive it well.

I will pray for them all. Hell is a lonely place to be.