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 Post subject: Grieving Daisy
PostPosted: Thu Dec 10, 2015 4:31 pm 
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Location: Upper Gagetown, NB, Canada
My husband has recently died. In the few weeks before his death, Daisy was very confused by his being in bed and not terribly welcoming.She became even clingier than usual with me. When he went into the hospital, she was left alone a lot or shipped off on playdates with friends. There were days that people came in to take care of her.
After he died the house was full of people for several days and she thought that she had gone to paradise. For the first time since she joined us, she didn't sleep with me. Of course not, she talked one of my grandsons into thinking that you have to rub her belly indefinitely if that is what she wants. He has renamed her GutSlut. Everyone left and now its just the two of us.
For a couple of weeks, when we came home from our walks she would go hunting in all of the usual places to tell Roy about the expedition. That has stopped but she doesn't really want to go for walks much and when we go she wants to come home after a mile or so. She doesn't run or head into the bush but sticks on my heels. Her eating habits seem to have improved as she is now getting wet food as well as dry, slight spoiling due to upset stomach that developed while Roy was sick but she has lost weight. She isn't skinny but her chunky monkeyness is gone. She is back to chewing on herself.
I am having troubles helping myself at this point but seeing my joyous wee beast so out of sorts is hard. Wisdom of the forums, any suggestions?


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 Post subject: Re: Grieving Daisy
PostPosted: Thu Dec 10, 2015 6:22 pm 
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I Rescued A Cocker!
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Joined: Sun Sep 12, 2010 2:30 pm
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Location: Logan, UT
Can not help with advice but I am very sorry for your loss. I pray both of you may find comfort.

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KoKo- Chocolate/White 6 months when rescued 09-2008
Maurice - Black/White/Tan 15 months when rescued 02-2009/Home on Xmas 16
Armani-Black and White born 08-26-2014
Kudah-French Brittany rescued 06-2008
Blu - Buff Merle born 05-13-2010/Home on 08-28-2014


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 Post subject: Re: Grieving Daisy
PostPosted: Thu Dec 10, 2015 6:31 pm 
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Location: Central Colorado
I'm so sorry for your loss. You and Daisy will need to work a little each day to get back to a good space. Daisy is grieving as well and you are all that she has to cling to. She needs routine and stability and you will probably have to encourage her to play and hunt, but I think it will help her sadness.
I don't kow that anyone is a real expert on these matters. We all deal with loss differently. You too should try to maintain a normal routine and then add things that will bring you joy again. Daisy sounds like she could help you heal as well as you helping her heal.

Best wishes.

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Halli Madison 8/17/93 - 2/11/2006
Missing my sweet girl with all my heart.


The day will come when people like me will view the murder of
an animal the same way they view that of a man today.
Leonardo da Vinci


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 Post subject: Re: Grieving Daisy
PostPosted: Thu Dec 10, 2015 8:21 pm 
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Joined: Fri Jul 11, 2014 9:49 pm
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Location: Washington State
My aunt had two Cockers (sisters Buffy and Muffy) and each had their own bed. They were very particular about each one using only their own. But when Buffy died, Muffy started sleeping in her bed instead of her own. We thought she was comforted by still being able to smell Buffy. Muffy did many of the things that you describe. She looked all over the house and yard trying to find her sister and she was very nervous anytime my aunt left the house. Eventually she went back to using her own bed sometimes and her anxiety dwindled.

Perhaps you could try giving Daisy something that has your husband's scent on it to see if it comforts her. You may even find that something similar might help you, too. My mom started using my dad's bathrobe instead of her own after he passed away. It's been 15 years and she still uses it. She says it's like he is giving her a hug every time she puts in on.

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Susan

Mom to Jennie, born 4/24/2014, Gotcha Day 6/20/2014
Gone, but not forgotten: Honey, Punkin, Lady, Dusty and Chief


"If there are no dogs in heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went." Will Rogers


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 Post subject: Re: Grieving Daisy
PostPosted: Sun Dec 13, 2015 11:13 am 
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Location: Cleveland, Ohio
So sorry for your loss...
Time will ease the burden of grief but in the meantime be gentle with yourself and Daisy. She's probably sensing your sorrow as well as missing her Daddy. My heartfelt sympathy.

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Lisa R

Chesapeake NF, AX, AXJ (CGC)
4/20/10

The road to MACH is full of jumps and weaves....

Competing in Master Agility
Double Q's - 3
MACH Points -126
MX Q's - 4
MJX Q's - 4

(edited 12/17)


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 Post subject: Re: Grieving Daisy
PostPosted: Tue Sep 13, 2016 3:34 pm 
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Joined: Fri May 09, 2014 4:09 pm
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Location: Upper Gagetown, NB, Canada
It's eleven months later and I have been watching a very unhappy doog for a long time BUT this past week there have been big changes.
Daisy has started playing with plushies, throwing them around and then doing the bum up, front stomp to get me to throw for her. I had given up on her ever learning to play but there you go. She fell into a friend's swimming pool, didn't panic, swam to where I could see her and, with guidance, swam back to the ladder and got out, shook and wiggled. This is the dog that wouldn't walk on grass if it was wet two years ago. As an aside, the friend has put up a gate on the pool.
The biggest change is her response to me. Since Roy died and we had to go through obedience, she has treated everything that I say as a command that she doesn't want to follow. The last few days she has been like she was before. I talk to her and she listens. Today, at work, I told her that it was time to go home and she grabbed her leash and ran to the car. All summer I have been having to teach her to follow the rules that allow me to have her with me at work. She has been willing to do it but with a bit of force and I have had to leave a leash on her. The last few days she has been going to her spot automatically. Today the gate was closed so she opened it and lay down. She looked happy.
It appears that she has removed the grieving mantle and is on her way again. Now if we could just get me into better shape.


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 Post subject: Re: Grieving Daisy
PostPosted: Tue Sep 13, 2016 5:14 pm 
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That is such great news that Daisy had come around. Everyone grieves differently and for different periods of time. It sounds like you are both each other's best friend. :hp Patience wins.

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Halli Madison 8/17/93 - 2/11/2006
Missing my sweet girl with all my heart.


The day will come when people like me will view the murder of
an animal the same way they view that of a man today.
Leonardo da Vinci


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 Post subject: Re: Grieving Daisy
PostPosted: Tue Sep 13, 2016 6:06 pm 
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Joined: Sun Sep 12, 2010 2:30 pm
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Wonderful news. So happy for both of you!

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KoKo- Chocolate/White 6 months when rescued 09-2008
Maurice - Black/White/Tan 15 months when rescued 02-2009/Home on Xmas 16
Armani-Black and White born 08-26-2014
Kudah-French Brittany rescued 06-2008
Blu - Buff Merle born 05-13-2010/Home on 08-28-2014


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 Post subject: Re: Grieving Daisy
PostPosted: Wed Sep 14, 2016 7:44 am 
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Joined: Sun Apr 17, 2011 10:40 am
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Location: Puyallup, WA
It's been a bit over a year since I lost my husband and Muffy has become my velcro dog, I keep saying 'when it's the only lap in town . . .'. She's bounced back for the most part but occasionally I still hit head first into that wall called grief. It does get better - filling your life with things and activities for YOU. Eat dessert for dinner if you want. Make the rest of your life the best you can and you can always come to the forum for some internet hugs. (((hug)))

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Karen in Puyallup, WA-Mom to Muffy and Momo

At the Bridge
Lil'Bit-Black, Brandy-Buff, Buddy-Blk&Tan, Teddy-Buff
Molly-Black-no longer at the bridge but now in her daddy's lap


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 Post subject: Re: Grieving Daisy
PostPosted: Fri Sep 16, 2016 6:07 pm 
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First of all, my condolences to you. I lost my husband a few years ago and there are no words. I am glad to hear that Daisy is coming around. Sometimes it just takes time. Hugs to you and Daisy. :)


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 Post subject: Re: Grieving Daisy
PostPosted: Sat Sep 17, 2016 3:01 am 
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Location: Upper Gagetown, NB, Canada
Yesterday, on a walk, Daisy ran. She ran like you run when you're a kid and have new running shoes. I haven't seen this in a long time, ears flying, a delighted grin and feet barely touching the ground, a full tilt boogie. She flushed some grouse, first covey in more than a year.
I am well aware that cockers are joyous bits of fur covering endless affection but even for a cocker, Daisy was outstanding. To see her so miserable and just walking through the motions this past year has been difficult. I know that Roy wasn't worried about how I would do, I am good at hard times, but watching
my wee brown shadow so miserable made my situation just that much more painful. I think that I have cried more tears for her than I have for myself.
We're off now for a bush walk. This will be interesting. It used to be our favourite walk but for the last year she has been unwilling to go past a certain point. We'll see if she has a different attitude about it now.


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 Post subject: Re: Grieving Daisy
PostPosted: Sat Sep 17, 2016 7:52 am 
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:love This makes my heart happy for you. It sounds like Daisy has let go and now she can help your heart heal as well. Good luck on your bush walk, but it sounds like Daisy is moving in the right direction. :hp

_________________
Halli Madison 8/17/93 - 2/11/2006
Missing my sweet girl with all my heart.


The day will come when people like me will view the murder of
an animal the same way they view that of a man today.
Leonardo da Vinci


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